Trick My Trick : Too funny, I want my trick tricked by Odenkirk!

Slogans for Philadelphia....or, don't get me wrong, I actually like it here.

My friend Bill has been in town for the last week, he flew in to Philly to hang on the Fourth of July and to go to see the Feelies at Maxwell's in Hoboken with me. While we were driving around Philadelphia, I mentioned the official tourism slogan the city adopted about a decade ago, 'Philadelphia, the city that loves you back!'. Well we both think it's way off the mark, so we started to banter about what the slogan should be in reality:

'Philadelphia, did you look at me? Tell me you didn't look at me?'

'Philadelphia, if I had a tooth, it would hurt.'

'Philadelphia, a good place to die!'

'Philadelphia, it's so small as to create claustrophobia...don't believe the map!!'

'Philadelphia, it ain't New York...New York is grateful!'

'Philadelphia, abandon all hope ye who enter!'

'Philadelphia, where hanging out at Johnny Brenda's makes you a total celebrity'

'Philadelphia, everyone one here knows one another, they don't like each other and they sure as hell don't like you, so leave!'

'Philadelphia, pfffft, later!'

'Welcome to Philadelphia, if you're a tourist and you want a cheesteak, get an interpreter!'

" Welcome to Philadelphia, don't worry if you missed lasts month's issue, this months issue of Philadelphia Magazine is also a restaurant issue."

flotsam and jetsam

It's been a while since I've posted so I thought I would just add a few random thoughts in this space. I intend to post more regularly.

One additional misheard lyric I've had and forgot to mention in a previous post was hearing Arrowsmith's song Sweet Emotion as Speed and Motion, I've always been told I have a very strong innate sense of physics!

Did you ever go to a convenience store and have an older cashier(over the age of 30)who seemingly loved their job? I don't know if these people are working a second job or are just happy at the bottom of the chain, I do however admire them.

Did you ever notice that the bands you like all come around to your town at the same time and then there is nothing you want to see for months? Do I sound like Andy Rooney with this post, probably!

I think the new My Morning Jacket stuff sounds great...I always think that though! I also think the new Nick Cave sounds great...I don't usually think that.

More later.

This evening, I went food shopping in NJ. I had to get a bunch of stuff for the Super Bowl party I'm hosting. While I was online for checkout I looked to my right, there they had discounted, previously viewed DVDs. Front and center was the above title for $2.00. I laughed out loud (or LOL for those of you under 26) the instant it came into view. Is it not the most hideous DVD cover ever foisted upon the buying public? They had to be joking, it's the worst photoshop job I've ever seen anywhere...period. I don't think anyone could even reasonably try to do a job a shoddy as the job that was done on this. Of course it was so ridiculous I had to buy it for $2.00, it makes me laugh to even think about it.

My own, personal misheard lyrics

Like Anyone, I've had my share of misheard lyrics to songs. Like most everyone, there are some seriously mangled ones:

1) The Beatles - Think for Yourself - 'Although your mind's opaque' became 'although your mind's okay'.

2) Roxy Music - Editions of You - 'learn from your mistakes is my only advice' became 'learn from your mystics is my only advice'. I like my lyric better!

3) The Jeffersons theme song - This is without a doubt my worst misheard lyric and thusly, the funniest. I don't know how my ears heard this, give it a listen next time you hear it and tell me it doesn't sound a little like it. the lyric 'Long as we live, it's you and me baby, ain't nothing wrong with that' became 'long sweet lips chewing me baby, ain't nothing wrong with that.' Some one pointed out to me that I was incorrect when I was about 19. I wouldn't read too much into the error, I just figured, as some naive suburban kid that it was something over my head, ebonics or jive whatever...

I am sure there are other misheard lyrics that I forget or that I am unaware of...more to come, I'm sure. Those are all I can think of for now.

tales from work

One day, I was having lunch with my Stepfather Rob. This was at work and roughly 15 years ago. We didn't have much to say, I think I was doing the crossword(as usual) just sitting in silence eating. Rob turns to me and says, "You know who can really sing?" I said "who?" Rob replies, "That Gomer Pyle." I nodded in agreement and we went back to silence.

What do you do with siamese twins...CHOP

There is a very highly regarded children's hospital here in Philadelphia, called the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. It is one of the worldwide go to medical centers for the seperation of siamese twins. People come from everywhere in the world to have their children seperated there...the hospital is more often than not refered to as C.H.O.P., I'm not certain if that's funny or disturbing.

the taste of chicken

People often comment on new white meat they are tasting by saying,'It's good....tastes like chicken.' I've had a few things in my lifetime that taste like chicken...frog legs, assorted fowl...However, the most exotic chicken like meat is surely alligator. I've tasted it, years ago, it does taste a bit like chicken. I think it would make chicken far more interesting and make for a far more exciting world if people would bite into chicken and say 'mmmmm, tastes like alligator!' It would be, right?

Nomar

There is a ballplayer named Nomar Garciapara, I always thought it to be an unusual name. I was told by someone that his first name, Nomar, was his father's name in reverse. His father is named Ramon and he wanted to share his name with his son. However, he didn't want there to be confusion in the household. Consequently, he did a spin on the name by making it Ramon in reverse. I thought this was perhaps the most supremely inane logic I had ever heard...then I thought....if I did this, if I had a son and he was Max in reverse his name would be Xam...which is pronounced ZAM, then I realized that I thought it was a great idea.

David Lynch, perfect

This clip is from the supplemental material on the DVD of David Lynch's film, Inland Empire. He is discussing the watching of that film, any film for that matter, on an Iphone. I do agree somewhat with what he's saying, however, if you're on a bus or something it would be nice. I just think his conviction is so profound, his seething, controlled anger is so on target. I think this video is my new favorite youtube distraction.

Pet Sounds & Pet Dreams

I had an incredible dream recently. In this dream Brian Wilson was at my place of work, it was one of those situations in a dream that defies all logic but seems completely right...of course Brian Wilson is here at work, it's a monday! He was standing behind a piano banging the keys. He then commenced teaching me these really complicated vocal lines for a new song he'd written. He was laughing at me because I wasn't singing well, I don't have a great singing voice (though I've been told I have a extremely pleasant speaking voice). His voice was Pet Sounds/Smile era Brian Wilson, clear and soaring, like it was before he went on his path of uncontrolled self destruction. It was beautiful, really brilliant and vivid....Then I suddenly awoke to my cat bellowing. I was immediately upset with the cat for waking me up from this beautiful dream. I yelled out, 'Skitty, shut the fuck up!'... I then quickly came to the realization that I had been incorporating Skitty's bellowing into my dream, she was the Brian Wilson vocal parts...sweet irony.

In defense of seltzer water

Have you ever met someone who likes water and also likes soda but hates seltzer water? I don't know why they don't like seltzer, it's the merger of two beverages (plain old water and fizzy soda) and it has no calories, right? Yet, many people are not down with the seltzer, poor, poor humble seltzer. Squeeze some lemon or some lime in that shit and it ratchets it's goodness up in huge proportions. You can even make it at home, try that with your fancy zero calorie sodas!